Archive for November, 2010

This week is my fourth and final suggestion in our conversation about “Being a Good Friend.”

This is actually my favorite one because it is through this that I have found my best and deepest friendships.

Sure, #1 Asking Good Questions, #2 Being a Safe Place and #3 Being Myself have helped but its #4 that has been the glue.

Are you ready?!?

#4 – BE HONEST

I’m not talking about the kind of honesty where your friend asks you if you like her outfit and you think its ugly so in the spirit of being honest you tell her – “It’s ugly.”

I’m talking about being honest about your life – your own struggles, failures, successes and dreams. There’s nothing more freeing than going out on a limb and sharing a piece of yourself with someone for the first time and having them respond – “I also feel that way! I do that sometimes too!”

Of course, there is a learning curve for stepping out on that limb. I’ve always struggled with being a little too honest. Let me explain.

STORY TIME:

One day I was in rehearsals for a play when we took a break to talk a little more about the script. The theme, funny enough, was about the masks we wear and things we hide behind that we don’t want others to know about. So as an exercise, we decided to all share a mask that we wore in our own lives.

So in rehearsal, for a play, I shout – “I DON’T LIKE BEING AN ACTOR!!!”

Umm . . . awkward. Probably not an appropriate place to share or good timing. After all this was my job!

I got fired.

KIDDING. They knew how emotional I was and extended grace.

MY POINT is you’re not necessarily always going to get this process right. Don’t let the FEAR of the response keep you from being honest in the first place.

Being a good friend is like shouting from the rooftops – YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! It’s being willing to share the hard stuff and trust others FIRST with YOUR story, so that they’ll know they can trust you later with THEIR story.

So who can you share your story with this week? In a recent conversation with a friend, did you hold back when you knew you needed to say something different? Is there a friend you need to reach out to and say “Thanks, you’ve always been honest with me even when I didn’t want to hear what you said.” Remember, don’t let the fear of how someone could respond keep you from being honest.